Top 20 Relationship Killers

A lot of people come to me for relationship advice, and in my dealings with them, I was able to identify top 20 things that cause harm to a relationship.

1. Nagging
   There are many ways to express what you feel without berating or castigating your partner. People who are constantly nagged tend to distance themselves from their partners.


2. Chronic complaining
   In a relationship, it’s normal to go through challenging situations and the way to face them is to talk about them and identify the areas that both of you need to improve on. However, there’s a thin line between discussing your problems and complaining about them. Make sure that you talk about your problems with the intention to solve them, and not merely to start an argument or put the other person down.


3. Giving the silent treatment when conflicts or issues arise
   Most people resort to biting their tongues during arguments to avoid saying hurtful or offending things. Although it’s not generally a bad thing, you need to be aware that constantly doing so can ruin a relationship.


4. Not spending time together
   At the beginning of relationships, couples are usually inseparable. However, as the relationship grows longer, some come to a point that they lack time for each other. If you want to keep the fire burning, always make it a point to allot time for activities that both of you enjoy.


5. Lack of me-time
   While quality time with your partner is important, it’s equally imperative to have some time for yourself. Being in a relationship is not about spending every waking moment with your significant other. It’s about committing to him or her without compromising the other areas of your life.


6. Only showing sweetness on special occasions
   Showing your affection is not just limited to Valentine’s Day, birthdays or anniversaries. If you want to keep your relationship on the right track, always make your partner feel loved and cared for. You don’t need to make grand gestures all the time. Simple gestures like saying I love you or giving a long and warm hug can be enough to express how you feel about them.


7. Stress
   We all go through stress, but you shouldn’t let it get to you and make you do things or say stuff that may hurt or offend your partner.


8. Fighting fire with fire
   If your partner is too enraged in the middle of a conflict, it’s best to step down and let him or her calm down first. Discuss matters later so that you wouldn’t clash even more.


9. Facebook
   A lot of marriages get ruined because of Facebook and other social networking sites. Although they help us connect with loved ones easier, always remember that all things have a limitation. Social networking sites are not created to broadcast your marital problems or find other people to flirt with or do things that can create further damage to your relationship.


10. Self-centeredness
    Not everything revolves around you or your partner. Always strive to be sensitive with each other’s needs.


11. Being too dominant
    You don’t get into a relationship with someone only to tie the other down and strip them off their freedom. A relationship is a give and take thing and both partners have the right to be heard.


12. Attachment to the past
    All of us have a past, but it shouldn’t be a barrier to a healthy relationship. Don’t judge your partner because of his or her past experience, but accept him or her for who he or she is today.


13. Lying
    If you can’t trust a person with the small things, you definitely cannot trust him or her with the big things. So always be on your guard and strive to say the truth, regardless of how inconvenient it may seem.


14. Keeping problems to yourself
    Your partner may not necessarily provide a solution to your problem. But with two heads battling a challenge together, it becomes more bearable. More so, telling your partner everything promotes openness, a deeper sense of compassion and understanding within the relationship.


15. Keeping a record of your “rights” to highlight your partner’s “wrongs”
    Whenever you argue, don’t keep on bringing up all the good things you’ve done just to spite your partner even more or to even point out what you want to say.


16. Possessiveness
    You agree to be together, not to own each other. That’s what a relationship is all about. Remember that the more possessive you become, the more your partner will turn away from you.


17. Money
    Don’t let your relationship revolve around money or material things because they are replaceable. But when you lose love, that’s something that’s hard to win back. So focus on things that really matter in your relationship, and not on superficial things that money can buy.


18. Not wanting to forgive
    There are times that your partner will disappoint or hurt you. When you experience instances like this, always be ready to forgive because that’s what true love does. Don’t let anger and hatred control your behavior.


19. Lack of respect for each other
    Even if you’re in a relationship, you and your partner are still two different individuals, so respect your partner’s personality and private space. Also, even if you’re familiar with each other, don’t make jokes about your partner especially about sensitive things in front of others. Respect begets respect. Treat your partner the way you want to be treated.


20. The last but definitely not the least is infidelity
    Being in a relationship is about making a conscious effort everyday to commit to just one person. If you want your relationship to last, don’t give in to the temptations around you. Remember, being tempted is not a sin, but succumbing to it is.

Did I forget anything? If so, let me know and place it in the comments below.